I once found a genie in a bottle and while I was telling him my wish I sneezed. A second later I was standing in the middle of a busy street in downtown Duluth, Minnesota dressed like a chicken and holding a framed picture of Maureen McCormick. To this day, I don’t know what the genie heard nor do I care to find out. JG 
Genie in a bottle
I got fired again!
I got fired from my 8 day old job with Chacha for giving the answer ” I have no idea what you’re talking about… so here’s a bunny with a pancake on it’s head” to stupid questions.
You’ve likely never been fired.
I on the other hand, am 40 and I now lack the ability to keep a job.
I hate to think about what is going to happen to me in the coming weeks. I will likely lose my house.
Why? Because the people at the churches I called who were supposed to care didn’t.
Because the people who are supposed to care and read blogs like this one didn’t.
The next time you see a creative but hopeless person please give them support so as to prevent eventual doom.
This is my last transmission. My account is going to be suspended by me.
Please, please, please, please, please listen to the next Jason Goldtrap that you see in your life. He wasn’t too bad of a guy. All I wanted was to be successful and one of the cool kids.
Shame on you all.
Voting is not necessary
Friends, voting is not necessary for positive change. All you have to do is put your hand on your computer screen and repeat these words: “I accept Barack Hussein Obama as my personal savior.” -JG 10.23.08
September 11th Cat Scripture
I used this one last year. I got so much positive response from it that I have decided to post this Cat Scripture every September 11th.
Never forget. Let’s roll.
-Jason Goldtrap
7 year old Piper Palin Scandal
More Scandal Rocks the Palin Household
Reeling from the devastating revelations concerning Bristol Palin, 17 year old daughter of GOP VP pick Sarah Palin, more shocking allegations emerged today about another daughter, Piper Palin: born on May 15, 2001 (the same year as the attack on the World Trade Center.)
For Piper’s seventh birthday party, she had a sleepover at her house which included Chrissy Binkley (her Best-Friend-Forever), Diane Helkes, Marcia Hiatu, Tiffany Murkowski and Jenny Tolen. That’s right, she only invited girls!
On top of all that, she had a hand drawn sign on the front door of her house which said, “Piper Palin, 7, happy birthday, girls only, no boys allowed!” The sign included a hand drawn pink unicorn, a smiley face and seven star stickers (blue, green, red, orange, yellow, silver and purple).
At this gathering, in which all of the attendees were white, the girls ate unhealthy foods and drank cans of Sam’s Choice Cola (it was on sale). They also had a lip synch contest in which participants wore blonde wigs to look like Hannah Montana. And the family cat, Cinnamon, received an unwelcomed make-over.
At one point, Jenny Tolen jumped off of the couch in the living room and sprang her left pinky. Instead of taking Jenny to the hospital, the potential Vice President of the United States held her as the little girl cried and then gave her an extra cupcake. Did Chrissy or Tiffany or Diane or Marcia get an extra cupcake? No! How unfair is that?
The party lasted well past 9 pm, the designated bedtime so as to allow each guest a turn playing Hungry Hungry Hippos. When morning arrived, it was discovered that one of the girls had… an accident. MSNBC’s Keith Olbermann is investigating the suspects. JG 09.02.08 JasonGoldtrap.com
Jason Goldtrap’s thoughts on Sunday, June 29, 2008
Jason Goldtrap’s thoughts on Sunday, June 29, 2008. I’ve had an absolutely amazing day! I was asked to teach the teen class at the last moment. Three teens. We read parts of Isaiah, chapters 6 and 52:13-54:13, I explained the background and the imagery. They listened as well as one could when you’re a 12 year old boy, 13 and 14 year old girl. Sweet kids.
I had worked a long while on my sermon: “Our God He Is Alive” (728b). Putting it on YouTube was a big help. I always encourage preachers to put their sermons on YouTube. It’s a great way to spread the world while you hear yourself perform over and over and over. I listened to my sermon probably 10 times, Jamie also enjoyed the sneak preview two or three times also. All of this practice can stave off disaster or at least malfunction.
I planned all points of today’s worship service: songs, order, etc., I do this so that everything can run smoothly and there’s no surprises. Well… there are always surprises. I did not realize there’s a difference in Power Point between .pps and “slide show.” I began the “slide show” and it went smoothly. When I got up to preach, the notebook computer decided to start changing slides on its own. I made an introduction, looked to the screen and noticed it was 3 slides ahead of me. Jamie jumped in, however, and saved the day. Because she was familiar with the sermon, she knew when I would need each slide. Friends, no matter what the task, there is no substitute for preparation and confidence. Preparation as in “know thyself ” as well as “thy material.” Confidence in the self actualization that any public performance is prime for the bedeviling of fate: like every wedding, one must grasp the idea that something WILL go wrong at the last minute. If you have that confidence then stumbling will not be an impediment to your goal. It took me 40 years to figure this out, hey, I’m dense sometimes. Overall, the sermon went great. The beauty of preaching God’s Word is that even if you happen to be a bad speaker you will be brilliant because of the material. As the hymnist Phillip Paul Bliss so eloquently put it in 1884, “Words of life and beauty, teach me faith and duty.”
After worship, Jamie and I ate at Olive Garden in nearby Winter Haven. We used two coupons we’d received from the Orlando Red Cross so our lunch was only $6! Speaking of food, yesterday we went to my favorite frozen custard place, KC’s Big Dipper in Winter Haven. I had a “Camp Fire S’mores Blizzard” chocolate frozen custard, marshmallows, chocolate pieces and graham crackers exquisitely, nobly blended. That night, I actually dreamed about eating that dessert. I’ve never dreamed about eating food. I’ve dreamed about being in a restaurant or having dinner with my family but I have recreated each individual sensation of sitting in an ice cream parlor just eating a frozen custard dish. If this is some kind of weird Freudian thing, please, don’t tell me, I’d rather not know.
Evening worship was awesome. Our church, working in conjunction with 4 other local congregations, sent the preacher, his youngest daughter and a 69 year old gentleman down to Honduras for a couple of weeks to build houses. They built 30 houses in the poor mountains surrounding the capitol, Tegucigalpa. It was so great to see my friends safe and back in a nation where they speak English… oh… wait, it’s Florida, never-mind. Anyhoo, tonight was our monthly singing service. I lead an old song I knew from my days at Madison Church of Christ. I also lead one I’d written in 1998 when we lived in Cookeville called “I’m Gonna Hug My Dear Jesus When I Get to Heaven Someday.” Everyone seemed to quickly catch on to the simple lyrics. Tune: “When the Saints Go Marching In.”
Oh when I sing I have to grin
Because I’m so in love with Him
I’m gonna hug my dear Jesus when I get to Heaven someday
Oh when I pray I have to kneal
Because of all the love I feel
I’m gonna hug my dear Jesus when I get to Heaven someday
And when I read it makes me think
All of my sins really do stink. P-U!
I’m gonna hug my dear Jesus when I get to Heaven someday
A Sower Sows the Word
“Don’t judge each day by the harvest you reap, but by the seeds you plant.”
-Robert Louis Stevenson
Meet Jason Goldtrap
Jason Goldtrap lives in Polk County, Florida. A member of the church of Christ and graduate of David Lipscomb University, Jason and his wife Jamie have been married since 1997. He is the author of the novel “Sarah Conrad of Eagle Creek” which you can read online at www.sarahconradofeaglecreek.com
